Someone I love was trying to pay me a compliment and told me that I didn’t need to lose anymore weight because I was skinny enough already. While it was well intended, and done out of love, I feel like the comment showed a lack of understanding of the journey I have been on, and why my goal is my goal.
I don’t blame them. I am not mad at them. I don’t think any less of them. But it got me thinking.
We live in a culture of anorexia and morbid obesity. These are two opposite extremes, and I believe they are borne out of very common roots.
FYI-I am over-simplifying both extremes, and I have no intention of being insensitive to anyone who is on either end of this spectrum.
The anorexic looks at a mirror and thinks they are not skinny enough. I believe that the root of this is that they are using an external measure to determine their self-worth and whether or not THEY are enough. Food is a means of control, and for whatever reason, they feel a need to continue down a destructive path, never realizing that they are enough in God’s eyes.
The obese person looks in a mirror and believes they could never be skinny enough. So why bother? (this was me in part BTW). So instead of starving themselves, they continue eating to get a level of comfort and satisfaction, and yet perhaps always feeling empty. Feeling that they are not enough. So why bother?
I had to look inside of myself to see who I was, who I have become, and who I want to be. The truth is, in some ways I have had both of these mindsets. I have lived as an obese woman, and for a brief time, I lived as someone who was normal weight, but done in unhealthy ways.
I have looked at my body and thought I am not skinny enough, which translated, I am not enough.
But this isn’t me anymore.
My size does not correlate to my self-worth. I have been learning that lesson through the goodness of God along this journey.
The truth is:
I am enough. God created me special, and due to life’s hurts and pains, I walked a path that was destructive in so many ways. It threatened to destroy relationships, not because of how I looked externally, but who I was inside. I was hurting. I was hurting badly. I wanted nothing more than to be loved. But the hole I was trying to fill could not be filled with food, relationships, or even being “skinny enough”. The hole could only be filled with God’s love, His grace and mercy in my life.
So while I am not yet “skinny enough” for my goal, I am enough. I’m enough. The God who created the world, and who created me, tells me that I am enough. I don’t have to look or act a certain way for God to love me.
And that…is enough.